Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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