I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
