I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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