the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize