just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
