Where is the hickey?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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