uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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