just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
