No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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