wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
