I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
