I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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