I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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