i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
