nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
COCAINE IS GR8
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
