my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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