good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
