Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
