she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Randomize
