You're so nebulous sometimes
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
