Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
