If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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