Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
