dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
