I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
