Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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