i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
