it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
