I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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