i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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