just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
