Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
