On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
