So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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