what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
