I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
