I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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