I hope mine doesn't look like that
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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