apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
