id be glad to
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
