Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
