we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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