life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
