my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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