Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
being pregnant is like rehab
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
