I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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