Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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