I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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