he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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