I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
