my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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