so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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