Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
