I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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