2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
