...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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