She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
