I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
