Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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