We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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