see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
