I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
