I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
two words: eviction party
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
