you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
