I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
