told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
