dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
