Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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