I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
