apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
