If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
