I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think people are normalizing furries
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
