I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
