It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
