dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
