We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
