She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Buhtt sex?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
this is an emotional support booty call
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
