I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
