I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just forgot I was standing up.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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