Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
